The Internet Movie Database may be my single most favorite occasional site on the web. I don't visit regularly, but it's got so damn much information on movies, celebs, etc., that I rarely have a question that it can't answer.
So anyhow, when you look up an actor, it shows not only all the projects that person has been involved with, but it also shows his or her future projects. Since you can also search by year, I tried searching for 2005 movies, and to my surprise, learned that there are already 87 movies sufficiently developed to merit notice on the IMDB. With that in mind, I decided to rate the ten most overhyped movies that will appear two summers from now.
My rationale? These movies will never be better than they are right now. Since they're all still in pre-development, each actually still has the potential to live up to the overwhelming hype they will receive. Next year, the trailers will tantalize us, raise our expectations, and then, in the summer of 2005, we'll be treated to the same parade of dreck we see every summer. So, with that in mind...
10. XXX 2
(because one anti-hero movie that ends in an extended smoking advisory isn't enough)
9. Mission Impossible 3
8. Batman 5
(It can't get much worse, can it?)
7. Elektra (aka Daredevil 2: More Eye Candy)
(I predict an Alias renaissance after this movie, from fans desperate to see JG in a show with some modicum of smart)
6. Jurassic Park IV
5. Superman 341
(I've got an idea: if we take all the fractions of pennies left over when financial transactions are rounded down, and dump them into our own private savings account, maybe we can buy this script and destroy it.)
4. The Lecter Variations
(Yes, it's a Hannibal Lecter prequel, following our favorite cannibal as a teenager. What's next? A series on the WB? )
3. Indiana Jones 4
(What? Another dinosaur movie?)
2. Harry Potter and the Whatever of Something
(Watch Harry and his pals attempt to close the astounding talent gap between themselves and their "supporting cast")
1. Star Wars: Episode III
(Never before in the history of cinema will so much money be spent to produce a story whose every detail we already know, and Lucas will not let a single person over the age of 3 forget for a second that every single plot element
foreshadows fiveshadows eightshadows the events of Episodes 4-6. God, it makes me tired already just to think about it.)
Honorable mentions go to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (only because it's not a sequel), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (directed by Tim Burton), and King Kong (directed by Peter Jackson).
Dishonorable mention: Team America, by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The synopsis? "Marionette superheroes fight to end terrorism and put tired celebrities out of their misery." Subscribe to the Dish Network, surf every single channel, and find the channel least likely to ever be watched by anyone. They could run a commercial for Team America at 4:30 a.m. on that channel, and I suspect that this movie will have been overhyped.
If only marionette superheroes would fight to end our misery. 2005, here we come.